Let's look at this a little differently...

Ok, so much for going at it gung-ho (sp?) to start with and really stepping out there to make a change. A change is what I've decided I really must need. I need to look at this change of habit thing differently.

I once reading in a cosmo or some other unfortunate gospel of truth that sometimes, if you just don't feel in the mood, you should fake it a little. Now the article wasn't complete nonscense. It argued that, no you shouldn't fake the whole act, but if you get in there a little, you're more likely than not to pick up the vibe and start feeling it, so to speak. And for as much as I really love... the act... stumbling on that "moment" when you're certainly not expecting it (heck, usually expecting it NOT to happen), is always a-maz-ing.

This is how I need to make exercise to me. I need to focus on the pay-offs. How good I feel healthier and how happy I am not to have to think about it so much. It's about simplifying. And I LOVE simplifying. It's like a shoe-habbit or a sport's team fetish for other people. I like to organize and beautify through simplicity. That's almost another rant.

Anyways. Must work on focus.

On the plus side, logging calories and burn time into tiny apps on my phone, much to my chagrin, seems to be working. I logged a 4 (or 8 if you count the difference between clothes-on-at-gym-scale to naked-and-on-new-high-tech-home-scale) lb loss from monday to wednesday (thursday).

Then I ate Chipoltle and home made chocolate chip cookies on friday. Eh. Two steps forward one step back is still a net gain, right? Ok, setting a date with the elliptical.

Just Starting

I frequently make myself the promise that I'm going to do something to change. And sometimes I do. For a while. I'll get all the right things from the grocery store and stock up the kitchen with healthy foods... then stop at Chipotle. I'll go to the gym several times in a row for my Monday/Wednesday zumba class... then blame the weather, being tired from the weekend, whatever, and miss. And it's not just the health aspect. I'll have motivations to meet new people or try new things and psyche myself out. I'll opt to keep to myself, to stick with the familiar. But I do blame the weight. I'll wear that when I'm thinner. I'll go to the beach more, I'l try skydiving... people won't be judging me then, right? That's not who I want to be. I want to be confident with who I am.

I obviously need something to sustain my motivation. I'm a (reasonably?) smart, logically kinda girl. I should be able to handle this. I can do this. I just need a little something extra. I need goals and I need to say them aloud. I need to get them out there in the world so there is some level of accountability in what I'm aiming for. There's a reason to keep going and keep trying, and for me, maybe this will be that reason.

My goals for creating this are thus:

1. practice the written word, like that adorable little alliteration right there!
2. build confidence (hopefully, this will work and I will accomplish things!)
3. get healthier (specific goals will be set by the end of February - see, hard [as in not flexible] goal)
4. track interesting thoughts I keep promising myself I will write down and hardly do
5. keep accoutability for trying new things (compile "bucket list" by end of February)
6. set career goals; discovering what I want to get out of my current job should give me motivation and that extra push to do my best at what I'm doing and avoid "skating by" - which I am completely guilty of succumbing to
7. become better at keeping in touch with friends, even when not for specific "events" or outings